On being a "hermit"

Someone asked me recently why I chose the title "Vandwelling hermit". It's not that I'm anti-social, I make friends easily enough, it's that I am so weary from the stresses of mainstream society. The series of incidents that led to my living in a van were definitely not the most pleasant time in my life, but now having "made the plunge" as it were, I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can easily live off 10$ a day, I have no pressure to conform to a mold that I simply don't fit, and my obligations are pretty much to myself and noone else. Do I plan to live this way forever? Probably not. When the time comes to re-integrate back into society, I think I'll be better prepared. This has been a time of self-reflection and deep introspection. I've had to confront a lot of hard truths about myself and my life over these past few weeks.

It can be lonely, I guess, but I've kind of always been lonely. A child born blind from birth has only the most rudimentry understanding of what "sight" must be like. Much in the same way that I understand what "lonely" must be. I've been this way for so long, that it just seems to be a part of who I am. I've had friends, been married/had girlfriends, but deep down there was always just me knocking around my brain at night before I put my head down on my pillow and slept. In a way, I think my self-imposed exile will make me even more grateful for the few relationships I chose to cultivate.

It's been a cathartic experience writing this blog so far. I guess what I'm hoping for is some kind of understanding about myself. And to point out to the particulars of what a vandwelling life is like, for the uninitiated.

One thing I took for granted: Air Conditioning. It gets pretty damn hot in the van, even when the temprature is 80f. The various fast-food/coffee house/libraries that I frequent all have ice-cold A/C. It's gearing up to be Summer in my neck of the woods, and the heat wasn't something I considered. I've been putting in my application at various business lately, if only for the paycheck and the chance to be out of the heat for a bit.

I suppose finding employment is step number one to my re-integration process. However, I'm not sure I'm going to move out of the van any time soon. When I feel ready to put my roots down somewhere, I'll do it happily. But, for now, I feel no real urge to do so. I'm tinkering with the idea of upgrading to a small RV and heading out to Colorado or Idaho, just to get a feel of what the other western states are like. Somewhere that isn't as fast paced as California (or as expensive for that matter...)